‘Emma, I feel that a lot of good things are coming for you very soon’ Leo 07/11/2005

 First week over and done with. On Wednesday I felt my body was broken. I was so tired and I ached all over. During this afternoon’s pranayama lesson, I fell asleep whilst lying in Savasana

  – for a whole hour!!! No one woke me so of course I was happily dozing right in the middle of the shala until I heard the closing chant. Once dismissed I stumbled home and managed to grab a quick nap before returning to the school and swotting up before my interview started: Cayman Islands 10:15am, India 8:45pm. The interview started late and then continued for 1hr and ½! I was exhausted, stumbling over my words, forgetting the questions, constantly repeating myself...you get the gist. It finally finished at 10:35pm! Without thinking about the outcome I raced home and managed to get to sleep at 11:20pm, stealing 6 hrs before morning meditation! How did it go…In reality, I have no idea. I feel as though my performance was not as succinct as it could have been, I was no way near job interview presentable. Also, I feel due to the teaching demands at LPEBL, the needs of the children, of the bilingual curriculum I have become de-skilled as a teacher. That is one of the things the state system always has over private schools – CPD!

So, will I get it?

As I mentioned in my previous post, right now I am focusing on my time here in Mysore. I have done the best I could've and so if it’s meant to be I’ll get it. If not, it means that there is something else waiting for me.

It’s fantastic being positive. When you’re in that place you’re flying, you’re invincible. But when you’re not, the feeling of doubt and fear creeps in. On Friday I started to think of ‘home’ and what I will do when I leave Mysore. And with that the anxiety flooded in. Where will I live? What will I do for work? What if I’m no longer employable as a teacher? After morning’s meditation I began to think of my options during my practice. There are so many possibilities. I could get this job in the Caymans…I could get a teaching position in Abu Dhabi or I could supply teach in schools and teach yoga in my free time. There are lots of things I could do. After 15 years of anxiety and constant worrying about where I am in the world and where I’m going, I have decided to STOP.

My closest friend here told me something whilst we were walking home,

“Emma, I feel that a lot of good things are coming for you very soon. I don’t feel this with my friends and we have only known each other for a week, but with you I know these good things will happen.”

I look around and I’m fine. I will always be fine.

Now, I see that things are how they should be. The people that are gathered around me are there for a reason. The places I have been are not without purpose. The lessons I have learnt are mine forever. I am right where I need to be. I will continue moving in the direction my heart chooses.

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