'Ashtanga is crazy inside crazy!' & Poo!

Quoting David Swenson: “People from outside yoga think yogis are crazy, but people inside yoga think ashtangis are crazy! So, basically, Ashtanga is crazy inside crazy!”

I have been away from London for 2 ½ months now.and I’ve immersed myself in Ashtanga. My life here has been so far removed from anything back home. A comparison of myself 2 years ago to today - I’m surprised my friends and family haven’t disowned me as a ‘raving nutter’.

Sandra and I were talking over lunch last week; yes one of those organic, vegan, raw food places – and I love it! We were talking about what people must think when they look in from the outside...

Well, in Gokulam, a suburb in Mysore, West of Bangalore, India, there is every nationality you could think of. My friends so far have been from Thailand, Canada, Mexico, Venezuela, Chile, Australia, India, Russia, South Korea, Norway...the list goes on.

We are all here for a sole purpose, one intention, to wake up before sunrise and practice the age old practice of Ashtanga. Our whole day is focused on these 2 hours; right from our sleep pattern, our eating habits and our toilet routines. I have never spoken about poop so much in my life – the colour, texture, frequency, what foods help a bowel movements, what foods inhibit my trips to the bathroom, special teas to drink...you get the picture.

Because of course we all want to be ‘empty’ - that little bit lighter when we’re folding forward, backward bending, twisting. Basically when our digestive organs are being rung out like a wet dish cloth!

We set our alarms at a time that is not even considered as ‘morning’ by some people back home, wait out in the cold (yes India is cold in the morning) until our names are called and we pack ourselves into a shala. Thankfully, I’m with Saraswathi so things are a more relaxed and at a pace more suited to the ‘Primary Ashtangi’ in me. Saraswathi has an understanding of female Ashtangis and how a women’s body and needs change at various points of her life - A maternal vibe I'm warming too. I have however heard stories of waiting out in the cold for hours in order to get a space for ‘one small one’ in the main shala and then having to practice in either a closet or the bathroom :(

I won’t go into the  whole etiquette of shala practice but just to give you an idea of the sound inside a shala here is a brief clip of Mr Vader; giving you a comical idea of the breathing.

I am weird, but I love it J

Thank you to all those who have stuck by me, loved and supported me throughout this journey - 'Baby I was born this way.'

Practice and all is coming!

Well after a much needed rest in Hampi I returned to Mysore on the sleeper bus; 13 hours of hell with the craziest of drivers; I wouldn’t be surprised if he was wanted by the Karnataka Transport police. Any non-Indian, when they hear a horn go hooooooooooooooooooooonk, driving full speed and then hitting the breaks on the ‘motorway’ would be terrified. That’s when the melatonin came in handy.

I stayed my 1^st night in a pre-arranged room via Air BNB. This Air BNB booking was nothing like my previous (the gorgeous house with swimming pool in Pondicherry!) The room was a garage! It was clean but had no windows, just a large metal door. It was freezing at night and I heard everything outside! Not good when your bedtime has changed to 8pm L Apart from my yoga-centered problems, my bedroom was not upstairs with the other yogis, it was in the main house with an elderly Indian couple. It was made very clear that I was not to use the kitchen (despite this being stated on the Air BNB profile, ‘Use of the kitchen and utensils is allowed, we just remind you to please treat these as though they were your own.’ On top of this, I felt very uncomfortable in the mornings, waking up early when their bedroom has no door, only curtains, I must have disturbed them, switching on my light, unlocking all the bolts to the living room etc. So I found another place, across the road from the main Shala. It’s on a main road, but hey I lived on Abbey Road for 3 ½ years so this is fine J

My 1^st day with Saraswathi:

I set my alarm for 3:50am, waking was no problem. I made myself a lemon tea and prepared with a few sun salutations and shoulder exercises in order to open my chest, just as the Dr ordered. My start time is 6am so I left the house in plenty of time. There walking towards me was Asha my Pranyamama teacher from the YTTC. She didn’t remember my name of course but called ‘England’ instead. She was out with her husband on their ‘morning walk’ and invited me to tea this week – the kindness of this women always makes me smile inside J My friend Sandra (A Chilean lady connected to the lovely Leo) had shown me Saraswathi’s Shala the day before but I still managed to get lost. No fear though, a local on his morning walk took me there. On the stairs we all waited in a line until our time was called. As I reached the top of the stairs I peered in and I could see others, Saraswathi weaving in and out shouting ‘You catch?’ ‘Which one you do?’ ‘backbend then finish’

…’Next!’ 

It was my turn. I went in and tried to place my things in what I now know is her office. An assistant stopped me and said that I was to put my mat down and the gestured to put my belongings in the changing room. I did just that and then whilst in Virabhadrasana B this morning I saw that I have been using the male changing rooms! Opps! I whispered my prayer and proceeded with Surya Namaskra A. I was so preoccupied with remembering the sequence that I couldn’t relax, each asana seemed a struggle and somehow disjointed from the previous. I got to Supta Kurmasana and then felt a foot on my calf. My head was down between my legs so I couldn’t see anything and then I heard ‘leg down, this go here’. After hearing so many rumors that adjustments are non-existent, Saraswathi was helping me on my 1^st day. I wasn’t able to catch but this was the 1^st time I had got into the posture without modifying! Yay me! ‘You stop here and then backbend, we work on this again tomorrow’.

Before leaving I bowed with my hands namaskara. Saraswathi spotted me, she nodded and smiled. So well done to me, first day over and my shoulder felt fine. 

In the words of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois,
"Practice and all is coming."

I have been away as a lone traveler many times in the past 4 years; all over Europe, Indonesia, North America and even India but this time things feel different. This will be the longest time I have been away and I have mixed feelings. I miss everyone at home, for sure, that’s a given. But it’s more than that. I guess it has something to do with Christmas and the matter of only being back in the UK for a few days before flying out again. There is no hint of Christmas here, other than the Westerners’’ isle in Loyal World shopping centre. This is how I like it; no mad rushing to see people, no gluttonous eating and drinking, no spending stupid amounts of money on gifts people don’t need in order to ‘show’ them your love… But I’m looking on Facebook and I can see people decorating their Christmas trees, wearing their novelty jumpers, rehearsing school nativity plays etc and I’m thinking about my relationships with those at home…

Nevertheless, I’m doing what I love and I’m far from Oxford Street.

This is my stepping stone

Saturday morning arrived and after an intensive week of theory and teaching exams all that was left was a final morning of Mysore practice. Somehow I felt more nervous for this moment. The Shala was filled with emotion as everyone was aware this would be the last day we would practice together. Inhale, 'vande gurunam caranaravinde...' I had set up my mat next to my friend Sandra, and with every inhale and exhale our bodies flowed in synchronicity to the vinyasas.

Finishing my 25th count of Uttpluthi I knelt on my mat, bowed my head and with hands in Namaskara I whispered the closing prayer - 'May the whole of all the world's be happy.'

One by one we rolled up our mats and congragated on the roof terrace. Mayanne and I hugged, as she shed a few tears. No one really said anything but we all felt something:

"Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way." OSHO

We acknowledged our feelings and then took our teacher Praveen for a Chai and a chat about our aspirations for the future. Then came the graduation ceremony. As with any Western education, you pay for the course and you'll get the certificate. I got mine, along with everyone else on the course.

So I now have a certificate stating that I have fulfilled the requirements of a 200hr Ashtanga YTTC. This is my stepping stone. The journey will now begin.

I found myself in a bit of a dilemma with regard to my place at KPJAYI. An existing injury has resurfaced, caused from years of swimming and incorrect posture. The tendons and ligaments in deltoid, mastoid and pectorals have shortened causing my shoulders to round forward. This is really prominent in the right and makes a horrid crunching sound. Well it got quite bad a couple of weeks ago and I've had to see an advanced physiotherapist. I have had to refrain from Marichayasana and Budjupadasana, modifying to a minimal posture :(

Recently I've heard things about KPJAYI, all of which are from people who have never actually practiced with either Sharath or Saraswathi so I know a substantial amount is bullshit. But I'm quite scared. I've heard that if you can't bind in Marichayasana D or jump through you are simply told to roll up your mat and are refunded.

After all my anxieties I finally emailed my teacher from London. She calmed me, highlighting that this is an experience to embrace and an opportunity that I will be sure to regret if I don't take it. Leo and I then met his friend and her teacher from Ashtanga Yoga Chile - both practicing under Sharath. Such kind people and very comforting to know that I have friends around me. My mind was made. I did it, I registered with Saraswathi. Now my excitement grows each day as I spends hours at night reading blogs.

Me and another girl have taken a sleeper train to Hampi, UNESCO site. I'm hoping that a few days of resting my body will leave me feeling fresh and rejuvenated for my return to Mysore; ready for the next stepping stone!

Those that can't, teach... or not as the case may be!

This past week has been mad busy. We have been teaching sections of the Primary Series in preparation for our final exams next week. On top of this we also had our Pranayama practical & theory exam as well as our study of Patanjali’s Sutras. I myself have been trying to memorise the opening and closing prayers. They are so beautiful and despite some teachers claiming they should be chanted and not be sung, I actually prefer to chant with a melody. The meaning of the prayer is so beautiful, I like to hear to soft musical tone of a voice as I think it complements it.

Opening Prayer

Closing Prayer

In the evenings our apartment has changed into a teachers’ military camp, where we practice our sections and the others follow the drill. I have been practicing Ashtanga on and off for 4 years now and despite my confidence of the sequence I am feeling somewhat lost…

Tensions are high here, emotions are raw and our patience is being pushed as we are making our bodies do things that we hadn't thought able. As a primary teacher with a semi regular practice I had supposed that with additional practice, asana theory, Sanscript counting and drishti and bandha concentration, I would pick things up with ease. Hmmmmm. No. Watch the clip again. That really is me! There is so much to think of. Things became harder this morning when a complete beginner dropped into class as I was teaching. I tried to remember what my teacher back home does; attempting postures side by side, offering the props and using the names like ‘downward dog’ and ‘upward dog’.

In conclusion, will I make a good teacher? The first question I should ask myself is, ‘What makes a good yoga teacher?’ Is it strength of your individual asana practice or your ability to share the practice so that it is enjoyable and accessible to everyone, helping others to strengthen their practice in a safe and correct manor? Then there’s also the meditative side of Ashtanga; the feeling when you roll up your mat after a 10 minute Savasana and you float away on a cloud of candy-floss.

My final exams are Thursday (Theory), Friday (Teaching) and Saturday (Mysore – personal practice), so only time will tell. If I do get the diploma I am not a teacher! My practice will continue to evolve as will my teaching. I will fumble through the world of ever growing number of Yoga Teachers, making mistakes and learning from them.

At least those mistakes will be made on the sunny island of Grand Cayman - 22 x 8 miles!

I leapt and landed on a phoenix!

I took a leap and it paid off. I cut ties. I rid myself of all connections to my life in London and lived in the moment embracing what the universe has given me. 

On Wednesday I posted a blog relating to my interview. I was feeling disillusioned and The Fear had crept in. My mind was no longer here. I was worrying about the future and what would happen come January. Later that evening I began frantically brainstorming my options and talking through my anxieties. My brain finally gave up and I drifted off to a world where everything was fine. The next morning I woke to an email from my fellow Cestrian, Richard, telling me to “keep faith and not to rely on admin”.

I then opened an email entitled ‘Offer of Employment’ from a name I hadn't recognised. With sleepy in my eyes I opened the attachment to the Cayman emblem and the 1^st line... I leapt up running in to the front room and threw my arms around the 1^st flatmate in my path. Kathleen jumped out of her skin "What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ I can’t remember what happened next, other than skipping to meditation and grinning like a Cheshire cat. Guru asked me how I was... ‘Ummmm, I'm a little distracted today’- UNDERSTATEMENT!

What's next...I have to send off scanned certificates, passport, birth certificate etc Then. Breath. Trust and Let Go. 

Today was Anna’s birthday. After a ½ day of practice, theory and adjustments, 9 of us went to Karanji Lake Park. We then took Anna to Mysore Mall where we surprised her with a Bluepeter style card signed by all the students and teachers, a cake decorated with Anna in Padmasana and a very tacky but typically Indian candle that opened out to a singing lotus flower. The house mates and I are now sat on the balcony with some Indian wine (contraband), candles and we're jiving to the BeeGees while we wait for our Papa Joe's Pizza – Masala style of course.

I'm very happy right now. I feel free. I feel proud that I was brave enough to make this journey and I'm excited for my new journey in paradise.

Mysore is truly magical; In India anything is possible.

‘Emma, I feel that a lot of good things are coming for you very soon’ Leo 07/11/2005

 First week over and done with. On Wednesday I felt my body was broken. I was so tired and I ached all over. During this afternoon’s pranayama lesson, I fell asleep whilst lying in Savasana

  – for a whole hour!!! No one woke me so of course I was happily dozing right in the middle of the shala until I heard the closing chant. Once dismissed I stumbled home and managed to grab a quick nap before returning to the school and swotting up before my interview started: Cayman Islands 10:15am, India 8:45pm. The interview started late and then continued for 1hr and ½! I was exhausted, stumbling over my words, forgetting the questions, constantly repeating myself...you get the gist. It finally finished at 10:35pm! Without thinking about the outcome I raced home and managed to get to sleep at 11:20pm, stealing 6 hrs before morning meditation! How did it go…In reality, I have no idea. I feel as though my performance was not as succinct as it could have been, I was no way near job interview presentable. Also, I feel due to the teaching demands at LPEBL, the needs of the children, of the bilingual curriculum I have become de-skilled as a teacher. That is one of the things the state system always has over private schools – CPD!

So, will I get it?

As I mentioned in my previous post, right now I am focusing on my time here in Mysore. I have done the best I could've and so if it’s meant to be I’ll get it. If not, it means that there is something else waiting for me.

It’s fantastic being positive. When you’re in that place you’re flying, you’re invincible. But when you’re not, the feeling of doubt and fear creeps in. On Friday I started to think of ‘home’ and what I will do when I leave Mysore. And with that the anxiety flooded in. Where will I live? What will I do for work? What if I’m no longer employable as a teacher? After morning’s meditation I began to think of my options during my practice. There are so many possibilities. I could get this job in the Caymans…I could get a teaching position in Abu Dhabi or I could supply teach in schools and teach yoga in my free time. There are lots of things I could do. After 15 years of anxiety and constant worrying about where I am in the world and where I’m going, I have decided to STOP.

My closest friend here told me something whilst we were walking home,

“Emma, I feel that a lot of good things are coming for you very soon. I don’t feel this with my friends and we have only known each other for a week, but with you I know these good things will happen.”

I look around and I’m fine. I will always be fine.

Now, I see that things are how they should be. The people that are gathered around me are there for a reason. The places I have been are not without purpose. The lessons I have learnt are mine forever. I am right where I need to be. I will continue moving in the direction my heart chooses.

---

First day of school - Two worlds apart!

I arrived from Bangalore a little after 3pm, weary from the disturbed sleep. Before leaving, I had sent an email to my friend Sophie back home, going into detail about my anxiety over Wednesday’s Skype interview. I bought myself a 40KB add-on from EE so I could sync for a reply. And yes, I got one J Her kind words of reassured and grounded me, made me acknowledge why I did this trip in the first place:

I want to rid myself of the restrictions and familiarities that may conform to the expectations of others, but that keep journeying on a path that was not meant for me. A path of struggling. I wanted to be completely free, free to wonder toward MY passions, MY talents and MY true wants in life.

Sophie’s words calmed me. Yes I will have nerves and I should acknowledge them, but it’s important to remember how I felt in Avignon this summer. Remember why I made this decision.

I got off the bus and met a bubbly Canadian girl, turns out she too was practicing with Ashtanga Yoga Mysore. We took a tuktuk together, sharing our experiences so far. Hers submerged in a world of yoga, living in an Ashram, and spending the next 3 years backpacking around the world. And I, quitting my life back home to learn do more of what I love. We showed our driver the address and with an Indian head wiggle (those who have seen it will understand how endearing but also how bloody frustrating it is) he agreed to take us. Anyone would think that it was I who was travelling the world with this chest of a case! Ok, so back to the Indian head wiggle – Can you take us here? – *head wiggle* Will our cases fit? – *head wiggle* 15 minutes later and 10 stops to ask locals for directions. Do you know where we’re going? – *head wiggle* You don’t understand a word I’m saying do you? – *head wiggle*.  It annoys that pants off me that they can’t give either a yes/no answer to a question, but at the same time the head wiggle is testament to the kind hearts of the people of India. If they can, they will help. If they can’t, they will find a way. They are the eternal optimists, so a no in our language translates to a ‘give me 5 minutes and we’ll find a way’ in India. I like the head wiggle…sometimes. But not when I’m hungry though.

Anna and I are roommates! I'm so thankful I'm sharing with such a lovely girl; her enthusiasm for life is refreshing. Also I love hearing her repeat everything I say, trying to mimic my accent. She sounds like a Jane Austin Character! Ha! I don’t think I'm quite like that but I guess it’s slightly different from the American/Canadian chat. What’s it with me and Canadians? I think they’re just great! I also met two beautiful Canadians in Yoga Rocks, Aimie and Penni. Amazing women, strong practice and strong in life.

We must still be in monsoon as a horrendous thunderstorm struck last night. So, in a country with no drainage, myself, Anna, and Kevin walked in ankle high water to meet the others. Packing a head torch was a genius; pat on the back to me! We had the introduction meal at a lovely restaurant called Windflower. This was this first time I had not had masala dosa since being here! BUT being a creature of habit, I had Dal Makhni and roti instead - my favourite meal when travelling Rajasthan in April. Everyone here is lovely. There’s 20 of us altogether, split into 2 groups, therefore there will only be 10 in practice together. The perfect number for the adjustments and alterations. We are from all over: Canada, France, Chile, Croatia, India, Spain, Bali, Australia, Hungry, Holland, Sweden and then me and 1 other from the UK. Ages range from about 24 – 40. I feel like I fit in better with the older bunch??? Does that mean I’m ‘old?’ Anna thought I was 24 when she met me, no older than 26 – “English people always look older so I thought maybe 27 at the oldest”. This made me smile.

After dinner, we all crashed in our new beds. The house is simple and 10 minutes’ walk from the school. I woke at 5am this morning. So early. So I read my affirmation for the day. My dear friend Liz, bought me a book for my birthday ‘Journey to the heart’ by Melody Beattie. Such a great read for the mornings! Similar to a diary entry, you read to entry for your date. Today’s – ‘See How Much Easier Life can be’... see how balance occurs naturally when we trust our heart. I like this one.

First Practice at 8am.It was a led class up to Navasana. I had been pooing myself last night as a few of the others were talking about pressing up into handstand. My worries started – Will I be able to bind? What if I’m the only one that can’t jump through? What if I lose my balance in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana? Turns out, my teachers back home have really helped me. Their adjustments and comments have helped me build a solid Ashtanga foundation. Ashtanga is all about your own practice, your relationship and progress with no one else’s body and mind but your own. That said, it made me feel good to know that I am strong. Jump throughs and binding will come.  I'm thinking that it may come before the end of the year. Fingers crossed. Behind my back of course J

So…today was my first day of school, but ????? miles away, it was also the 1^st day back of Autumn 2 for my French bubbas in London. I miss them! Knowing that they’ll be walking into the classroom, and for a few of them, not having me as a teacher for the first time in 3 years, will be difficult. But only at first. They’re adaptable and will get back to arguing over the football at playtime, who’s whose best friend, bickering over qouter!I love them dearly, and know they’ll be just fine. I know that my decision to leave may be viewed as selfish by a handful, but I teach my kids that being a good person and being happy is what matters. “Have courage and be kind” as Cinderella says. I know that my decision to leave will be accepted as this was what I needed to do. I'm happy that my last class focus with them way the teaching of the Hindi welcoming ‘Namaste’. If they don’t remember me, they’ll remember this J